Mind Games

I'm thinking I should feel a little bad but I don't. Usually I'm in tears now, so upset that I can't see my nephews and nieces but I've grown so tired of the games my sister enjoys playing. I love them to death but they will never know. My sister and her husband will fill the kids heads with lies like they did the older ones. When my oldest nephew left them, I thought he was going to change and be nothing like them. I was wrong. When my niece left the, I thought about how grown up she seemed. Nope, I was wrong. She's just like her mom, gets what she wants and then she is out the door. I have totally disowned my other nephew. After he went rampant about how he wanted to kill me and how he's always hated me. That was enough. I've laid down five to many times for him to walk all over me.

I have no emotions or feelings left inside me for them and it feels so good.

I am saddened my nephew is in jail again. My mom is going to see him Wednesday. She wanted me to go but I said no. I meant what I said when I said I was done. When I went to his last court date when he was arrested, after being transferred to another jail, it was me who he called to bail him out. Stupid me did it to. I cried many nights when he lived with us, only because I saw no future in him. 21 years old, a high school drop out, no job, no life, pot head.. the list goes on and on. When I kicked him out, it felt good to have the burden off my back. I have come to realize I can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.

I just love though how so many people have so much to say but when the time comes for help, they are nowhere to be found. I am learning to just stay away but again, I feel good, no hard feelings.

I am smiling, inside and out!