Depression

There really are no words right now as to how I feel. All I know is I feel like there is something missing and in return, I am not able to concentrate or do anything I enjoy doing. I manage to get my school done and that is about it. I will be graduating here soon and was planning on returning for a second degree but now I'm not so sure. I keep asking myself if I should. My lupus has gotten to the point of not being able to do certain things and having to rely on my husband. If I continue to get worst (which obviously I will) all I am doing is racking up tons of money.

I also feel as if I've let my kids down. Going to the park just to play Frisbee is exhausting and almost impossible. I'm stuck having to sit and watch. Maybe I should be more thankful I am at least able to sit and watch. I am thankful that they understand. I know it hurts them, especially Justin, that I have such a hard time but I have no other options.

My fingers are crosses that some miracle drug will come out sometime soon. I want to be able to put my education to use and make my kids proud of me. If I had the opportunity now to move and land a job that would support us, I would so do it. I would love to get us out of here and start a new life. However, the longer I go, it never going to happen. Regardless I think we are stuck here and all I can do is keep my fingers crossed for something good to come my way. All of my efforts hopefully will not go not noticed.